Happy Thoughts.

As I stood there, on the balcony, with my arms outstretched,
staring at the second star to the right I wondered, can I fly?
As a child I used to climb as high as I could on top of my father's bookshelves, just to jump off,
He'd always be angry with me.
You see,
I believed I could fly.
It has been seventeen years since Peter entered my life and whisked me away to Neverland.
I taught Peter and the lost boys how to take care of themselves,
you see, I was their mother.
But that wasn't what I really wanted.
What I wanted was to be
Young and wild and free forever.
I wanted to tease pirates and
Play with mermaids
And learn to dance
With Tiger Lilly.
I wanted to be in between the place of sleep and dreams,
With a boy who loved me forever
But not as his mother.
I loved Peter.
I loved him in the only way a thirteen year old girl knows how to love a fourteen year old boy,
Unconditionally.
See I taught Peter to sew his shadow back to his feet
But he never taught me how to
Lose mine
Nevertheless,
I fell in love
With the boy who never wanted to grow up
But the boy who never wanted to grow up never
Fell in love with the girl who never wanted to grow up
He fell in love with me.
His Mother.
He never understood that I never wanted this.
I never wanted to grow up
I never wanted these feelings
I never wanted
To be a mother in
Never Never Land
I wanted
To love him.
The simple boy who's idea
Of a kiss was a thimble
And who
Understood
The word forever.
I realized
He would never need me the way I needed him.
We would never grow up and marry,
Have children,
So I left.
I came home.
I grew up.
But I was never satisfied with my new life.
I married,
And had daughters.
Peter came for them because instead of
Growing into the man I knew he could become
He stayed young.
Always seeking a mother like me,
A mother like his mother.
I never stopped loving Peter,
I never
Stopped thinking happy thoughts
But I'll be honest as I'm standing here,
On top of this balcony railing
I'm starting to really question
If I can still fly.
My arms are outstretched toward the second star to the right
And I'm staring
Straight on til morning
But I'm growing tired.
The poison I drank for you, Peter,
The poison that made me fall asleep,
I felt no pain.
All I feel now
Is pain.
The pain
Of losing my
Childhood
The pain of losing you.
Peter, if you're listening,
Are you listening?
Do we ever really grow up?
Are you crying?
Boy, why are you crying?