Countdown.

18.
The age I met you at. I just moved in with my high school sweetheart and you let me borrow your lighter outside of a coffee shop.
17.
The exact amount of minutes it took me to ask you if you had a girlfriend.
16.
The amount of cigarettes I went through the first time we hung out one on one.
15.
The number of weeks from the time I met you, to the time my high school sweetheart and I broke up.
14.
The number of days before I took you after that to rescue your girlfriend.
13.
The number of days it took me after that to be able to admit to myself that I was in love with you.
12.
The number of years it's been since I met you.
11.
The number of times I have thought about you in the last three days.
10.
The number of miles we drove to feed the ducks.
9.
The number of times I have wondered if you still have the cd I gave you.
8.
The number of years since I saw you last. 7.
The number of times I have admitted to you that I loved you.
6.
The amount of unpublished love letters I have written to you and never sent.
5.
The number of times we've tried to see each other but never made it.
4.
The amount of times I have actually written about you in poetry form.
3.
The number of times I have asked you to marry me.
2.
The number of times you have asked me to marry you.
1.
You are my one.

Denial.

I have earned my freedom.
It doesn't matter who was right and who was was wrong,
I made the choice to leave
And start a new life
Without you.
But I keep finding myself
Reading through old emails,
Text messages and
Facebook posts
Trying to find some semblance
Of the good people we were.
And the truth is,
we weren't.
You made me defend every decision I ever made.
And every decision you ever made.
You conned me into believing you'd love me forever.
And I took the bait.
We were fire and oil and we burned too brightly and too quickly,
Though neither of us could contain the blaze,
The truth is
I enabled your bad decisions.
You tried to enable mine and when I tried to stop short you'd push me further and further toward the edge.
Until I made the right decision.
To leave.
But you can't let me leave.
You'd rather lie and con your way back into my life.
I've had worse.
I've had worse.
Don't think I haven't had worse.
I'm a survivor.
And I will survive this.
My track record isn't perfect
And my legs are tired from running,
So I'll meet you head on.
And when the fire burns out I will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes.
I will rise above you and this and fly.
I won't turn around.
Not for fear of turning into a pillar of salt,
No.
I won't look back because you don't deserve it.
I have earned my freedom.
I chose freedom.
I won't be looking through old love letters anymore.
I won't be hanging on to misguided hope.
Do what you have to do.
You just don't have permission to drag me down with you.