Patience.

He broke me.
I took responsibility for the small things,
the financial failure,
the breakup,
the doormat attitude.
He took eleven months of my life.. turned it into eighteen years
and never apologized or
felt bad about asking me to move into a seperate house while I was pregnant and his fiancee.
So I don't expect apologies anymore.
Nor do I give them out freely.
I built myself a bulletproof skin.
I see right through the "I want a relationship" talk.
I know what you really want
And you shouldn't be afraid to ask for it because the worst thing I could say to you is No.
It's been two years of picking myself up and putting myself back together again.
Since all the king's horses and all the king's men were cashing in on their PTO,
I've learned a lot.
I've learned the ancient art of patience.
In the past I've been impatient.
The adrenaline fuled relationship junkie.
Building new bridges as fast as I could burn them down.
Taking a swig of Jameson while asking for the keys,
Running with scissors,
Feeding the wild animals and
Leaping before I looked.
I'm a good girl.
I've broken hearts before,
But I'd swear I'd never break yours.
I've been the other woman.
I've lied. I've cheated. I've stolen.
I've walked out on bar tabs and walked into burning buildings.
But I have learned now to be patient.
I'm tired of Mr. Wonderful.
I'm looking for Mr. I Get It.
I used to find security and happiness in relationships.
Giving my heart gladly to whoever would take it,
so long as they were pretty and could give me multiple orgasms.
But now I look at them like maybe they're just a burden
and maybe we didn't sign up for your lack of communication
or my debilitating depression,
maybe we didn't sign up for the early morning arguments
or each other's late night snoring.
Or maybe I'm the burden.
It's always been so easy to feel needed
Because everyone seems to need a rustle between their bedsheets
Or a good night kiss.
But that's not what I want anymore.
I want to feel wanted, and I think,
Because I don't really feel like I've ever felt wanted by anyone in a romantic setting,
Maybe I've just been going about love all wrong.
So, when I look into your eyes from across this table
With no explanation,
When we aren't talking,
When the diner's music is
Filling in the blank spaces
I'm not looking for love.
I'm not looking for appreciation.
I'm looking for understanding.
I'm looking for patience.