The Day The Internets Broke.

The day the internets broke,
Mass pandemonium ensued,
No more status updates,
foursquare check ins,
or emails
could be read,
sent,
or posted.
The last known tweet was charlie sheen,
who,
in his own words,
was "still winning"
and hashtag planning better.
Mark Zuckerberg
decided the day the internets broke
to become an alcoholic,
and locked himself in his bathroom
with a bottle of
Popov Vodka,
when that ran out,
he resorted to drinking copious amounts of listerine,
and when he was found dead six hours later,
they said he smelled of mint.
and Tom Anderson,
hung himself by a USB cord,
though he wasn't found for a week afterward
since no one used Myspace anymore anyhow.
The president called on
Steve Jobs and
Bill Gates,
to see if they could fix the problem,
but the two could do nothing
but argue amongst themselves
over who had the better
itunes playlists.
And
how Bill could kick Steve's ass
on the Xbox Kinect.
Children were forced to play outdoors,
with each other,
in person.
Photos now had to be developed,
instead of just uploaded and shared.
Major buisnesses shut down everywhere.
People panicked.
Then, the unthinkable happened.
Somewhere, the man who invented the internet
emerged from his secret bomb proof energy efficient bunker
fifty stories below sea level,
to save us all.
Al Gore.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Al gore had the technology to rebuild the internets.
He had the capability
to fix the world's first
catastrophic system error;
Al Gore was that man.
He would make the internets
better than they were before.
Better. Stronger. Faster.
Al Gore,
Hiding in his bunker
from ManBearPIg,
would save us all.
The president mandated
that the song God Bless America
would now be entitled
God Bless Al Gore
and would be sang at
halftime
during football games everywhere.
The Catholic Church
Made him a saint,
And The Statue of liberty
was resurfaced
so Al's Face
instead of Lady Liberty's
would greet the tired, the poor and the huddled masses yearning to be free.
Children no longer
had to play face to face with one another,
Facebook status updates were able to be posted,
nobody still used myspace,
and people all across the world
were once again
tweeting,
checking in
and downloading videos from netflix and you tube.
Al went back to his fifty story below sea level bunker,
and was later eatn by manbearpig.
But the world never forgot
That Al saved us
from basic human interaction.
He saved us
from ourselves.

Hide and Seek.

I remember playing hide and seek as a child,
With my father and my brother.
We'd play for hours, I was always finding good hiding places in the shed,
in the kitchen cabinets,
Behind the compost pile.
I remember hearing my father yelling
"Ready or not! Here I come"
The best part about hide and seek for me was the hiding.
We played hide and seek together,
in summers that lasted six weeks.
Then it was back home to school,
to mom,
to my stepdad.
Back to being the minature adult my parents always seemed to overlook.
I never forgot about hide and seek.
I've played so many versions of it.
Hiding in a locked bathroom,
praying that my lover at the time wouldn't find me.
Praying he couldn't catch me if I decided to run home.
The childhood memory of hide and seek took on new meaning
because instead of getting tagged on the way to home base,
I was getting punched and put in hospitals.
I've spent the better portion of my adult life playing hide and seek.
I've hidden behind my self defenses.
I've hidden behind metaphors,
behind men.
Behind women.
I've hidden from responsibility.
I've hidden in the hallways I've built inside my heart.
Ready or not Here I come!
became more of a threat,
than a happy childhood memory.
I've been hiding behind six week long summers,
clinging to the memory of listening to my heart pound in my ribcage,
the sound of my breathing.
The fear of being caught or even worse,
being it.
What I never realized was
that hiding
always meant I was alone.
Hiding
meant that I was in fear.
I don't want to be afraid anymore.
I want to scream at that broken hearted five year old miniature adult version of me..
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIDE ANYMORE!
Come out and play with the rest of us!
Run!
Laugh!
Sing songs in languages that only you know,
Dance!
You don't have to hide anymore!

Years have passed since I was that little girl.
And I've waited.
I've waited, listening to my heart pound inside of my ribcage,
waited, listening to the sound of my breathing.
It's taken me all these years to finally realize
that the whole point to hide and seek
was to be found.
when I hear you yelling
"Ready Or Not, Here I come!"
I'll smile to myself,
and make a break for home base,
because I know now,
after years of hiding,
that there's nothing I'd rather be
than found.