Bedpost.

I hope you cut yourself
When you
so eloquently etched my name
On your bedpost.
If I had a heart, I suppose I could forgive you,
But you stole it away
And buried it along with all your secrets.
I tried to tell you in words
Words I wrote to you
That I had fallen for you,
That I loved you.
And in a single sentence,
You ripped all of those words
All of those stanzas
All of those verses and couplets,
Out of my soul
And flushed them out.
That's all you are now.
A poem.
An angry, heartbroken, ugly poem.
I want you to feel as lame as the excuses you gave me.
I want you to limp with their weight.
I want you as crippled as you left me.
Begging for some sort of crutch to help you close distances.
I never thought you heartless,
But now I know better.
I hope the next time you feel anything,
You hurt.
I hope tears sting your eyes
And you are blinded.
I hope you cut yourself
When you carved my name
So eloquently
Into your bedpost.
And I hope everytime you look at the scar,
You remember the girl who wanted to give you everything.
You're just a lonely, angry little poem now,
And I deserve to write better ones.

Tin Man.

Ever since being diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder,
I've envied the tin man.
Not having a heart meant I would never experience chest pain,
Never experience hurt.
Never experience love.
I laid down on that hospital bed knowing very well I could die because of my faulty ticker.
I lay there, in the darkness,
Bitterly wishing for a new heart.
Or better yet, wishing I didn't have one to begin with.
As they pushed the needle through my chest,
I thought about the tin man.
I thought about how happy he was
When the wizard gave him his heart,
And I wondered if the tin man ever
Felt like his chest was going to explode into shrapnel,
Like mine did at that moment.
This morning I woke up and realized what a fool I have been.
I realized that you were gone, and never coming back.
There were pictures, and treasures and memories that you gave to me.
But you weren't there anymore.
My chest, though healed,
Felt as though it were exploding.
You had a heart.
You loved like it was your last day, everyday.
You never knew how important you were.
I never knew how important you were,
Until your heart stopped.
Until you were no more.
You and I followed the yellow brick road to the emerald city,
Neither of us actually knowing
You were the Wizard,
and I turned out to be the tin man.
And you were the one who would give me back my heart.