The day the internets broke,
Mass pandemonium ensued,
No more status updates,
foursquare check ins,
or emails
could be read,
sent,
or posted.
The last known tweet was charlie sheen,
who,
in his own words,
was "still winning"
and hashtag planning better.
Mark Zuckerberg
decided the day the internets broke
to become an alcoholic,
and locked himself in his bathroom
with a bottle of
Popov Vodka,
when that ran out,
he resorted to drinking copious amounts of listerine,
and when he was found dead six hours later,
they said he smelled of mint.
and Tom Anderson,
hung himself by a USB cord,
though he wasn't found for a week afterward
since no one used Myspace anymore anyhow.
The president called on
Steve Jobs and
Bill Gates,
to see if they could fix the problem,
but the two could do nothing
but argue amongst themselves
over who had the better
itunes playlists.
And
how Bill could kick Steve's ass
on the Xbox Kinect.
Children were forced to play outdoors,
with each other,
in person.
Photos now had to be developed,
instead of just uploaded and shared.
Major buisnesses shut down everywhere.
People panicked.
Then, the unthinkable happened.
Somewhere, the man who invented the internet
emerged from his secret bomb proof energy efficient bunker
fifty stories below sea level,
to save us all.
Al Gore.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Al gore had the technology to rebuild the internets.
He had the capability
to fix the world's first
catastrophic system error;
Al Gore was that man.
He would make the internets
better than they were before.
Better. Stronger. Faster.
Al Gore,
Hiding in his bunker
from ManBearPIg,
would save us all.
The president mandated
that the song God Bless America
would now be entitled
God Bless Al Gore
and would be sang at
halftime
during football games everywhere.
The Catholic Church
Made him a saint,
And The Statue of liberty
was resurfaced
so Al's Face
instead of Lady Liberty's
would greet the tired, the poor and the huddled masses yearning to be free.
Children no longer
had to play face to face with one another,
Facebook status updates were able to be posted,
nobody still used myspace,
and people all across the world
were once again
tweeting,
checking in
and downloading videos from netflix and you tube.
Al went back to his fifty story below sea level bunker,
and was later eatn by manbearpig.
But the world never forgot
That Al saved us
from basic human interaction.
He saved us
from ourselves.
